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I love this little guy - and you're right - he does look a bit like Doctor Markus - The Pride of the Alps -
No, he's not the Pride of the Yankees, Markus is from Swissland - wherever that is -
"Hey BA, what in the h*ll is an Alp?"

Mr. Andrews -

My organization represents the residents and the businesses in The La Shores area -

I am not sure if you are familiar with the unique conditions regarding La Jolla Shores.

Just a few of them [unique conditions] that we need to keep in mind about The Shores:

• The City of San Diego has officially designated The Shores as a "Blighted Area" [photo by Don Scott]
  
  
• The median income for the residents of The Shores is less than $15,000 per household - far below the national poverty level
  
  
• For most of the residents of The Shores, English is a second language [Ukulele is the primary language]
  
  
• The bridge from Real La Jolla to La Jolla Shores is in very poor condition, and this limits the number of visitors to the region.

We were shocked and disgusted when we saw the photos of the bloody feet on your website. You claim that the wounds were caused by sting rays!

Everybody, obviously, except you, knows that the resident rays that we do have, are only here in the winter months, and those that do visit our shores, do not have stingers.

In fact, the rays that we occasionally have in our waters have officially been named by the state of CA: the State Skate is the Water Ray.

What are you trying to do, scare away the very few tourists who dare to visit La Jolla Shores?

Even though we are poor, in fact most of us live in poverty, we are a proud community, and rather than depend upon the government for a handout, we want to be self sufficient.

The quality of our lives [financially] is directly dependent upon the number of tourists that love to come to our beaches and pet the surfers that frolic in the warm, clear waters of our Surfer Petting Pond, admission $25.00 per adult, $20.00 for children, and children under the age of 6 months are allowed to enter - no charge -

Surely Mr. Andrews, you must know that our brief summer is only about 3 months long, and it is during this short period that we must generate enough revenue to see us through the very harsh La Jolla Shores winters.

Let me remind you, Mr. Andrews, of another terrible incident, just a few miles south of The Shores.

A Harbor Seal bit a young child, panic set in, all of the businesses in Seal Crap Pool City went bankrupt, the once rich residents had to collect cans, instead of playing tennis - they [the now destitute residents] could only play Go Fish in vacant parking lots, and the once proud City was eventually annexed by Tijuana.

From the Zoo News: Regarding the bitten child:

Seal Crap Pool City [SCPC] Harbor Patrol Private Tommy Matera, was a lifeguard in Honolulu, where seal bitings are more common.

"You need more than a kid and two physicians saying it was a Harbor Seal bite," Little Tommy Matera said. "Before you can say it's a seal bite, you need a seal expert, a marine biologist, to declare it a seal bite.

"I've seen people freak out in the water, because they've been bit by a Garibaldi," he said.

Dr. Richard G. Rancid, a doctor of pain infliction and author of a book about the 250 Harbor Seal attacks at Sea World, the real life inspiration for the Revenge of the Nerds movies, said it's unusual for doctors to say the injury was from a seal.

"A doctor in the emergency room would never say it was a seal bite unless they were certain because of all the unnecessary hysteria it would cause," he said. "One seal attack can really decimate an economy really quickly."

SPCS's Mayor Dirty Leonard said he's caught several rabid Harbor Seals while fishing in the surf. He stressed that seal bites are rare, but not unheard of.

"Anybody who thinks they can go into the water without the remote possibility of encountering a seal is kidding themselves," he said. "But I think it's so remote and rare I wouldn't worry about it.'

It's been nearly 30 years — the anniversary of the film Deep Throat — since there was an unprovoked seal bite in Seal Crap Pool City, Leonard said.

A mere child [Little Tommy Turby], was standing at the water's edge at South B**mer, patiently waiting his turn to catch a wave, when he was grabbed on Oct. 21, 1975, Leonard said.

The last California fatality from a Harbor Seal was in 1926.

Often, when seals bite humans, they quickly let go and retreat.

It's usually a case of mistaken identity when the seal expects to be biting fish and lets go when the object doesn't taste like fish, or is bigger than expected."

Mr. Andrews, I'm sure you would not like to see us experience a demise like that of Seal Crap Pool City.

In fact, by the end of the day 15 June 2005, you will be receiving a cease and desist order from our attorney, James Kirk Weaver.

Thank you.